Ask Dr. Fil

Dear Dr. Fil,

I’ve been “manifesting” homeownership for two years now — candles, affirmations, Pinterest boards, the works. I even started waking up at 5 a.m. to visualize myself signing escrow papers in a matching linen set.

But every time I start to save, something happens — car repair, therapy copay, Target blackout. My vision board looks rich; my bank account looks like an unpaid internship.

So tell me straight, Dr. Fil:
Am I blocked? Cursed? Or just bad at money? My landlord just raised rent again and said it’s “the market conditions”
The weed prices are also going up and I eat a lot more when I’m high. Is Debt the new dating? How do I save and live? How do I stop feeling like budgeting means I’m choosing survival over joy?

Should I just give up the dream of owning a home with a backyard where I could roam free and naked with my pet chickens? Is financial freedom just not for me? I tell myself this is normal, that everyone’s drowning. But some nights I lie awake calculating how many lifetimes I’d need to pay it off if I switched careers to “farm witch.” Send Help!

Desperately Seeking Freedom,
Spiritually in Foreclosure

Disclaimer:
This content is intended for entertainment purposes only. It does not constitute financial, legal, or professional advice. All characters, stories, and opinions expressed are for creative and satirical expression.

Dear Spiritually in Foreclosure,

You’re not cursed — you’re chronically unserious about money. You’re performing abundance theater on a community-college budget. You’ve got champagne tastes, La Croix income, and the financial discipline of a raccoon at a picnic.

It’s not a curse: You just don’t want the responsibility — and honestly, I get it. Who does? It’s heavy, it ruins the outfit, and it doesn’t photograph well. You want the feeling of stability without the paperwork. You want the Pinterest version of adulthood — all candles and clean countertops, none of the invoices. The IG post without the dread. But manifestation without management is just expensive daydreaming.

Here’s the thing: money doesn’t respond to mood. It doesn’t care about your affirmations or your moon phase. You’re not blocked — you’re broke.

I’m not coming at you from any high horse: we just can’t keep justifying a $200 a week weed addiction, subscriptions to platforms when we can’t even decide on the movie, makeup and clothes shopping hauls when we don’t even leave the couch. You don’t have to decide between joy and survival. You must imagine Sisyphus happy here.

You say “something always happens.” Yes — that’s called life, not a cosmic test.
And every time you panic-buy a crystal shaped like a house, Jeff Bezos gets closer to owning one of his on the moon.

Zilloh! isn’t a search engine anymore; it’s digital pornography for the economically anxious. My first line of business is to delete this app.

Delete UberEats, Delete Netflix, cancel you nail appointments and make coffee at home. I know, it’s not the advice you wanted to hear from me!
Deep down, what you’re really doing is financial escapism- you have a budget avoidance kink.

You don’t need another vision board. Another candles, another rite. You need a spreadsheet, a side hustle, and the humility to admit that oat-milk lattes do add up.
The system’s rigged? Maybe — but so is your cart at Sephora.

Budgeting is not punishment; it’s permission. It’s telling your money where to go before it sneaks out at 2 a.m. to buy AirPods and almond croissants. And yes, budgeting is boring. It’s the beige wall paint of existence. But do you know what’s sexier than manifestation? Having a savings account that doesn’t flinch when rent clears.

Buying a house is an extraordinarily hard task, but keeping it is even harder. It’s like complaining about delivery when you have a lifetime of childcare in front of you. If you cannot deny yourself some immediate pleasures for a long term achievement, how can you truly deserve the prize.

And yes life is unfair. Some people are luckier, some don’t have to work so hard. But they also won’t have the feeling of overcoming a difficulty and that’s the prize you’re really after.

No one can take away from you the pride that comes after getting something that is hard. Be real with yourself: you can not buy a house by making money spells, that’s ridiculous. You can lower interest rates by lighting candles and houses are not dropping in prices by your comments on IG.

Things require work, dedication, patience, and most of all self knowledge.

If that seems like bad news: it isn’t. It means you have the recipe in your hands. Or like we say in portuguese: You have the cheese and the knife in your hands: it’s up to you to feed yourself.

It is insanity to have the exact same behaviors and expect different results: now go balance your checkbook like it’s a ritual sacrifice and whisper,
“I am the economy now.”

Disclaimer:
This content is intended for entertainment purposes only. It does not constitute financial, legal, or professional advice. All characters, stories, and opinions expressed are for creative and satirical expression.