Diary of a Sailor Lost at Sea

Entry 4/17 3 a.m.

Here lie my people. 

At the bottom of this big, gaping ocean. They visit mee in my sleep to tell mee tales of their journey. When I wake up I barely remember but somehow their wisdom steeped into my old carcass. Captain Lynn is in no distress. She seems satisfied with roaming the waters.

For myself I can say, the longer we are stranded at sea the more comfort I take in solitude. We embarked on this adventure 3 years ago, or so. I stopped counting the days. Our rations are low but we have been able to get some fish out of the ocean when the skies are clear.

Water is sparse but I piss it all away, I figured I can spare it on most days.

It is not our first time sailing the high seas and it’s not our first time getting lost either. 

I have no frank desire to be rescued or found…

The stars tell mee everything I need to know. The wind blows answers. The storms keep mee in shape. The nights are quiet. The days, even quieter. 

I’ve patched up the boat enough to not have serious leaks but I can often hear the water whistling in. 

The big monsters of the sea, which once refused to leave mee in my nightmares, seem as sparse as our food. 

They would frequently rise up from the stormy seas, gigantic beasts they were. And I wasn’t the only one seeing them by night. Scaly, serpent like skin, moving fast between the waves. Eyes deeper than the deep sea. Mouth ravenously open, ready to swallow you whole. Tales of sailors defeated, beaten, taken away. Others turn pale as ghosts at such apparitions, pools of piss running below them.

They are even more ferocious if you’ve never actually seen them. Your nightmares invite you in aggrandizement of the monster. Even bigger, even deadlier… 

I must confess, I have never seen one but they tend to appear when you least expect it. 

I, alone on this ship, with no one else but a darn cat who refuses to take any of this seriously… 

I stand in front of mee own “Cape Fear.” The waves of petrification hit in sync with the waves of this ocean. Sometimes, a mere bounce, others, a full fledged tempest arises in my chest. 

Thunderstorms of doubt, rocking me out of bed in the middle of slumber. Feeling the tightening of my heart, I hold on to dear life. The Fear is all encompassing, it takes over my whole body, congealing my blood in curds. My thoughts, once clear, are shadowed by the darkest of clouds. Big fat tears pour out of the sky, drowning my own. I have nothing to combat this Fear with. I cry out to God for rescue but the storm does not let up. It is in these moments the fantastical sea creatures are revealed and with them the “Spirit of the Sailor.”

Is this my destiny? They could engulf mee, mee boat and Captain Lynn with no effort and yet… 

They have never shown themselves to mee. 

The dark skies give way to the scorching sun, the tempest opens her arms to a calm sea. One almost forgets how angry she was a mere second ago.

I have sailed, once again, as my forefathers have done so brilliantly before mee, another “Cape of Fear”.

Invariably, I learn it to be the “Cape of Good Hope”.

I see with my own eyes the magical sight of paradise. Of Heaven itself. 

Hope. God sent Hope.

As for Fear, that old friend, it will visit mee again. And again, it will find mee rocking in my chair.

It’s the only friend I have left. 

*The following advice is intended for mature audiences The purpose of this newsletter is to inform and entertain. Any similarity to reality is pure coincidence.

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