Indiana Joan

The dichotomy between reason and faith has plagued me consistently.If I believe in something without evidence of its existence, I shall be categorized as ignorant. Superstitious and inadequate to modern society. Without Logic, I may perish.To cease believing in something just because of my failure to understand or prove it, I shall be categorized as unfaithful. A traitor of the God that lived in me. And the pain caused by this rejection of my faith was almost unbearable. Without God, I will perish.

Was I destined to live in this perpetual personal purgatory, unable to decide definitely which way to go.

My devotion to God kept me enthralled. It seemed like the most logical explanation to all mysteries of life. I understood what I could, and everything else I offered to God. It seemed to work wonderfully throughout my childhood and into my early teens. I served in church, cleaned and made it beautiful. I would read in the pulpit and attend the processions. I would go to all meetings and listen attentively.God seemed to be with me everywhere I went. Until puberty hit… I started having different ideas and thoughts… of shame and inadequacy. For the first time I feared God would see me fully. Ashamed of all the things I carried within…  At around 12 or 13, I was too confused to understand what was real and what wasn’t. I decided that I would maybe have to fully commit one way or the other…

I gave spiritual servitude a serious thought. Maybe I should… Maybe that is what God is telling me… When given the opportunity to explore life in a Convent I took it. 

The local nuns would host occasional “Open Houses” for one to two weeks at a time to give young girls the opportunity to explore this vocation.

And so I ventured into a Convent.

Two weeks of devotional prayer, servitude, early rising and early to bed. The bedroom I stayed in was barren and unassuming, decorated only with a crucifix, a dresser and a bed. The food was all homegrown and homemade, the habits were washed by hand. The nuns were cloistered, not allowed contact with the outside world at all. Except for emergencies and the girls that visited them. At the end of my adventure I was left with some advice like: God’s message is always clear. Confusing thoughts are not Divine in nature. How will I know? How will I know if he really loves me? How can I be sure that a life of service is for me? You will hear a clear call. A call? Yes, God will call on you and you will have no doubts. 

I went home. Excited. Expectant. I felt like I had just solved a major puzzle in my life! And so I waited for His call. And waited for His call. The hours turned into days. The days into weeks. My excitement… turned into disappointment. I felt like I had just been stood up… by God. My heart was broken. Why wasn’t I chosen? Wasn’t I good enough to serve Him. 

In tears, I prayed, why? Why God? Why don’t you let me serve you? 

A quiet answer hit my heart, without confusion. God replies in earnest: I didn’t create you to serve me. I created you, so I can serve you… (Mind blown)

This simple message changed the whole trajectory of my life…

If God existed to serve me, what did I want more than anything else…

America, The Beautiful… She started perfuming my thoughts. Just not on the other side of the screen… If nothing was denied to me…

*The following advice is intended for mature audiences The purpose of this newsletter is to inform and entertain and inspire.

Wanna Join my Growing Community? Send me your info to stay in touch 

Need daily inspiration to reach your goals, follow us on Instagram!

Listen House.Roc Spotify Playlist curated to make your crush your Goals.

Share this Newsletter with the world if you find it useful!

You are receiving this email because our paths crossed somewhere along the way.

I am Real Estate agent licensed in the State of NY with Keller Williams of Greater Rochester.