Rebel Without a Cause

"If I had one day when I didn't have to be all confused and I didn't have to feel like I was ashamed of everything. If I felt like I belonged someplace. You know?

Jim Stark, Rebel Without a Cause

This is Mee…

I was not yet 13 when I watched “Rebel Without a Cause” with the Iconic James Dean. He became the ultimate Hero in my life and this movie a beacon of belonging.

The plot follows Jim Stark (James Dean) a troublemaking teen who moves to a new town in hopes of having a clean slate and a new lease on life.

But being the new kid on the block brings about it’s own set of problems. Looking for the stability he so desperately craves, he ends up befriending “the outsiders” and upsetting the status quo of the “cool kids”. Confronted with standing up for what’s right or allowing himself to be oppressed, Jim’s real troubles begin yet again.

The movie explores the frailty of youth and the ephemeral nature of life and highlights the struggles of those who try hard to fit in but never quite belong.

The eternal struggle of “The Outsider.”

How many times have I wanted and desired to start over, with a clean slate. In a place where no one knows my name. In search of home. Of that elusive place where somehow we will be understood, accepted and welcomed. Where our attempts to escape finally cease. It’s a lifelong search, or at least it has been for me. A constant alien in my own mind, unable to find refuge. Certain of being found out and exposed as the odd one. Everyone else the enemy to my peace. I walk with distrust in my heart, never knowing who is a friend or a foe, deceived have I been so many times.

What I wouldn’t give to walk the Earth like I belong here. Like I was meant to be here.

I have been feeling like a hypocrite by helping people find homes when I myself couldn’t find my place. Do I really belong here? Is this really what I am meant to be doing? Can they smell my own restlessness? These questions, I am beginning to understand, will never cease. It’s in my nature. I will be forever restless, forever rebelling for no cause. Fighting for no side. A crusade of sorts that may lead nowhere.

But on my way, I have met so many of us. So many rebels, aliens and outsiders desperately seeking to find home, in whatever capacity. Afraid we will never find our way back. Terrified of being found out, probed and ridiculed.

Yearning to find our way back…

If you’re looking for home, give me a call. We will find it together.

Your favorite Rebel,

Filipa

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