The Outsider

Life changes everyday… In every moment, a recollection of the past and a projection into the future. This middle way… This wanting to always be where we are not. Aiming for tomorrow, wishing for yesterday.

I have no regrets. No regrets at all.

I wonder if they seem me? I wonder if they love me too…

To leave your home is to grow roots deeper. Nothing cuts your heart more than to be away. Missing out, missing everything.

I wonder if they miss me? I wonder if they notice me too…

Media screens, or phone calls, old photos or vivid memories. I wonder if they are proud of me?

We were raised to live for love and family and home and togetherness, and I feel like I’ve betrayed them all. What I left exists no more.

Do you feel me? Does anyone care? The past is now no where. It’s a blur of ideas and I’m starting to wonder if they were ever really there. Did I imagine it?

Everything that was gained was gained together, everything lost was lost together. There’s so much guilty… I wish I was there…

But this is Life. An eternal dissatisfaction with what is. I wonder what I would be if I stayed. Would I be singing, and dancing too? Would I be acting and praying too? Would I be eating and smiling too?

If so, nothing would’ve changed. I am my family.

And the further I stray, the closer we stay…

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